Tuesday, November 11, 2008

10 Parenting Things I Wish Existed... - Posted by Lisa

First, I need to admit that I totally stole this idea (even the title) from Cecily of Uppercase Woman (warning: Cecily is a brilliant writer, but has quite the potty-mouth). :) It's just that it's such a good idea, and a much better way of putting into words the rant I originally wanted to post. So here goes:

1) Something/someone other than myself that will follow after the boys to pick up/put back errant legos/crayons/hot wheels/crumbs/paper, etc that they leave in their wake. Must be more realistic and much cheaper than the obvious suggestions such as a Roomba, a dog, a nanny/maid or my clone.

2) A mute button for whining. This was Cecily's #2 as well, and it's so ingenius that I had to steal it. Like her, I wouldn't want to mute the legitimate concerns, just the whiiiininnnng that makes the ears bleed. (screeching counts too)

3) An alarm that sounds whenever Ian's bladder or bowel is reaching critical mass and a trip to the bathroom would be wise. Though he is doing pretty well with potty training, he hasn't yet grasped the concept of telling us before he starts to go. Some days he remains clean and dry all day long, but it would be nice to eliminate the occasional pee on the floor (or poops in the bathtub). Ugh.

4) A vending machine (free of charge, naturally) in our home that at the press of a button dispenses wholesome, well-balanced meals that my kids will eat. I will settle for one that only works at lunchtime as our boys eat breakfast as if they have been starved for, um, 13 hours or so...and dinnertime is rarely negotiable. They get what I make for the whole family. But lunchtime? The bane of my existence.

5) A built-in, full-time, and most importantly FREE source of babysitting for those times when I need to run to the store (and shop in peace) or pick up Christopher from school without carrying a screaming Ian away from the magical preschool toys. Adopting a teenager is tempting, but probably not practical. And certainly not free.

6) I've rethought my #1 and decided to go for the gusto. How 'bout a whole house that is self-cleaning? No? Toys that put themselves away then?

7) A bed that enables a child to fall asleep within minutes after their head touches the pillow, and sleep peacefully through the night until such time in the morning that the parent is ready for the child to awaken.

8) Toddler teeth that brush themselves.

9) A pre-recorded message of my voice saying "Christopher, stop teasing/chasing/grabbing your brother" and "Ian, stop screaming." Wait, I guess I could record that myself, couldn't I?

10) Blinders to cover Ian's eyes while walking past the tv karts at Meijers!

Oh! And a bonus (in reference to the rant that I originally wanted to post about)...

11) A recorded message or letter to somehow anonymously tell people to control their bratty kids already! Hmmm, such as the clueless and infuriating grandma at McDonald's today who did nothing after Christopher told me (well within earshot of her) that her two grandsons had been hitting him & Ian inside the playscape. It wasn't until I saw it happen again and stood up and said "okay, that's enough!" that she finally took them home (after giving in and letting them climb all the way to the top and come down the slide again one more time...no wonder they're out of control). The same kids were climbing on top of and even standing on the tables when we first got there while she did nothing. Agggghhh!! (okay...I wasn't going to rant on that topic again. must stop)

Whew! That was actually a little tough. Anything to add? (about my kids, or what you wish/wished you had/could have had for your own kids?)


Anonymous said...

I've gotta to leave a comment because I know how it matters to the person writting the blog but I don't always read them the same day you write them.
Anyway before you know it they will be grown up and then you'll write about the grandkids.
We've all been there.